(pain in the) Ash Wednesday

so it's Ash Wednesday

the beginning of Lent

where we are reminded

of our sordid

and sacred mortality

that we are dust

and we are Stardust

but i'm mostly spent

an empty well

and wondering where

my sanity went

and who or what

cast this spell

that has turned

my experience of this

Mystical and Magical

place of Wonders

into an eternal state

of infernal fate

where perpetual thunders

cast visions of Hope

asunder the everlasting swell

of relentless radiation

that burns my eyes

and turns my torso

to toast

not the kind

to drink

but the kind

that dissolves

into charred crumbs

of gritty grains

the incinerated remains

of what was once

a source of nourishment

and strength

the shattered remnants 

of a once-vital presence

now scattered

on a plate

a disincarnated host

from a discarded sacrament

but not surprising

given the uprising

of rogue elements

entering our atmosphere

causing calamities

to perpetually appear

pausing normalities

for nearly a year

the crises multiplying

along with our fear

and waiting in futility

like Godot in perpetuity

for Divine sensibility

to Grace-fully interfere

but i'm left

in this state

of never-ending Lent

of repeated depletion

and tired incompletion

my desires dissipating

into wild abrogating

and unrelenting venting

lamenting and repenting

ENOUGH!

i'm toast

i'm dust

i'm over

and done

and i'm ready

to return

from whence

i've come

and i don't

need a day

to remind me

i'm ash

when i've lived

a whole year

where each day

is as grey

as the day

behind me

and the present

is just like

the past

and each change

is a pain

in the ash

i need to forget

i need to release

all the tears

and the fears

of my longings

for Peace

all the wounds

and the needs

and the needing

to please everyone

everywhere

all the time

in my world

over here

over there

all the virus

and weather

attempted to freeze

and the crises

that brought

all of us

to our knees

i need to surrender

i need to remember

that beneath

all the dust

is the smallest

of embers

that kindles

the warmth

and illumines

our sight

and reminds us

that we are

much more

than a slight

we are here

we are there

we are Children

of Air Wind Breath

Spirit of Love

we are made

of the Light

not afraid

of the night

even when

it won't go

far away

into flight

yes i am

made of dust

but the dust

comes from Stars

which embody

the Light

from within

and afar

so I AM

more than simply

a pain

in the ash

I AM Stardust

and Love

from the first

through the last.

#AshWednesday2021 #Lent2021 #ThisPastYearHasBeenAPainInTheAsh #WeAreStardustAndLove

('Stardust' © Adam Cvijanovic)